So much love
How did I become this person?
When did this happen?
How did it become that little children in my life melt my heart and make me smile in a way that is soft and fuzzy and warm?
I remember a time when I didn’t want to have kids. Then, I remember a time when I didn’t want to have more than the one little surprise I got at 27 years old – then again at 35, and yet again at 36. I remember feeling in more ways then one how much I sucked at this “mommy” thing and how much I was convinced that I just lacked the maternal gene.
I am the oldest of A LOT of kids. I had my share of diaper changing and taking care of little ones. I did not have this in my life’s to do list.
But now, I look at the little ones in my life and my heart melts, my temper cools (for the most part) and I just love it. I love the role that I have been given, I cherish the minutes I have to share and even more the ones that are shared with me.
When did this happen?
I am not really sure.
But damn, am I good at this mother thing. And damn, do I love it. So much love I can’t even describe it.
Add another little one to the mix, like my beautiful little nephew Jasper visiting us this week from Texas and I am in heaven. As if the three already in my life just can’t be enough, this one little angel more is icing on the cake. How to explain?
One thing I can say for sure is that getting older has been a blessing for me. I have nothing to prove or explain. I have no one to impress or keep up with or catch up to. I am grounded in so many ways, so sure of myself and confident in my choices, present and past. Maybe it’s why I can embrace the maternal side of me wholeheartedly and without apology, without concern for how this defines me by others.
And wow. How awesome are butterfly kisses and pudgy bellies? The sounds of children’s laughter in the morning? The sight of a living room full of toys and memories of little boys at play? And how freaking amazing is it that this is my life? Every chaotic, messy, noisy, insane second of it?
Pretty amazing and full of so much love.
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Carol, I can relate to your sentiment of not seeking out parenthood as one’s true calling. And yet, life happens, and wonderfully so. My own personal resistance lead to a year of tremendous stress leading up to the birth of my first child. And then he was born and life changed forever. I am a Dad now. It has become an integral fabric of my being. My world view, in fact, my day to day existence has been redefined and in many ways expanded. Thanks for sharing your own experience.
Vincent | CuteMonster.com recently shared..Tray Chaney talks about Fatherhood
So sweet, and so true Vincent. Thanks for sharing. Just crazy how that happens!
So lovely <>. A true pleasure for someone without kids to follow your adventures with your children! It’ clear how much love you have in your heart for your family and for all those with whom you connect. I feel it too .
Aaaaaand, it gets more messy, chaotic, noisy, etc… when they “want” to start bringing their friends over the house, too, thank goodness
Liz recently shared..It’s Sort of Like Wordless Wednesday, Only Not!
Liz – One can only hope to be so lucky!