New York City: To Love, To Hate, To Love You
As much as I adore New York, there are moments when I am confronted with the challenges one faces when raising a family in the big city and start feeling like maybe my love is faltering.
We all know what they are: the schools, the high rents, the hectic lifestyle. I won’t deny it. It’s all true. I am currently looking to move to a different neighborhood, probably one 3 times more expensive then where I live now, in search of a good public school system for my children (because paying ivy league prices for kindergarten is just not my cup of tea, and because the schools where I currently live are horrible). And then whether we move or not is dependent on whether we find a big enough apartment, within the already high limit we’ve given ourselves.
And I think, “It doesn’t have to be this hard.” And many of my friends would agree that it doesn’t have to be. That a trip over the Hudson River will open our world to endless possibilities and access to bigger homes, better schools, and a more laid back life.
And I know they are right. But then, that is also why it’s not New York City.
As a family who travels, this is where our priorities lie financially. We are not the type to spend, like many New Yorkers do, on clothes, or swanky apartments, or expensive private schools. Because even though this is New York City, it isn’t the only place I want my children to know, and so as the choices are being made, I found myself conflicted.
Today, after a visit to the American Museum of Natural History, I thought about my noisy, crowded neighborhood and how I did not really long to be there. So we decided to take a walk through Central Park.
This is inevitably the cure for any ill-sentiment one may be developing for NYC at any given time, because the truth is, even a die-hard New Yorker like myself goes through some days where there is no love for it. It happens. Ask any New Yorker.
And as we walked through the many paths, some still covered in ice and melting snow, I heard the language of the world passing me by. Spanish, Italian, French, Russian, German. So many people, from so many places. Not all tourists. It seemed, actually, many of them residents.
I saw couples heading to, for what seemed to be, a nice, dressy night out while others casually jogged or cycled along.
The sun was beginning to set as we walked past the Delacort Theater, where I have seen many outdoor Shakesperean plays. Past Turtle Pond now covered under a thin sheet of ice, where my children have spent close to hours just staring at the many turtles that take over the area (thus the name) in warmer weather. The Great Lawn, where my family and I have spent many Spring and Summer weekends, having picnics, playing ball, or just staring at the sky.
We walked up Belvedere Castle, where we could see the empty seats of the theater, yet still be reminded of the magical performances, and where the setting sun turned the high rises along 5th Avenue into gleaming towers of gold.
It was right then and there that I knew that no matter where my circumstances would lead me later in time, this will always be my city. There’s no denying that no matter how much comfort I find elsewhere, should I decide to seek it, my heart would hurt from not being here, if I ever left my wonderful city. It hurt just thinking about it. The kind of heartbreak feeling when you are far from something you love, a part of your being.
I waited as the sun set, and the gold glimmer turned to evening shadows before our family made it’s way back home.
I still hate that finding a good school for my children is so hard, so competitive, so insane. I still don’t like paying the insane prices in rent for an apartment way too small for us, in a neighborhood not ideal. And, I admit, that sometimes, when I travel to places with my family that have space galore and where I can just smell the cleanliness of nature in the air, I wish I could stay.
But this is home, and it is the best city in the world, despite its flaws. We have so much fun here, enough to make those not so fun days seem so insignificant. I am still proud to be a New Yorker, and I still think we are so incredibly lucky to wake up every morning here, even if it’s to the sound of garbage trucks and not red robins outside our window.
Living in New York, like living anywhere else, is all about the compromises you are willing to make for yourself, for your family. We are sort of figuring those out right now, but leaving New York City is not one that’s really being touched on, because in the end we love it here. And if I ever feel my heart faltering again, I know exactly where to go to remember.
I completely understand, although I did leave the city 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my 1st child. My husband and I are both from the suburbs and had a mutual understanding that we would indeed raise our kids in a house with a yard. We are only 15 miles away from the city in Westchester, and I do come into the city often. However, I admit that I do miss waking up to the sound of garbage trucks and hearing sirens in the middle of the night. I also miss my over-heated apartment and the homeless woman who greeted me on my way to work every morning. But there are things I don’t miss – like the same homeless woman bumping into me on purpose when I was visibly pregnant and being denied a seat on the bus and subway at the same time. I am glad that I live in close proximity to the city so that I can take advantage of what it has to offer, but I do get envious of people like you who can leave your apartment and roll right into the heart of it all.
My husband would be happier than anything to live in Manhattan forever. Most days I am fine with the idea, but there are plenty of days where I just want space to live in. I want Target and Kohl’s. I want to imagine my two month old playing in a yard. I want to not have to pay half the amount I pay for rent on childcare.
*shrug* All those days though are erased with the knowledge that we don’t have to decide now, and that no decision is forever.
Carolyn: I grew up in NYC and now I have a spacious house in the burbs….but it’s an unequal trade-off at best. My husband is from this area and given his job situation I made the move. The cavat is that I return to NYC regularly to get some “food and culture”. Now our son will be making his first major trip to NYC this summer.
Growing up I learned so much just walking down the streets of NYC. The ability to deal with other cultures have served me well professionally and as I travelled. Seeing homeless people, as undesireable as it seems, gives people a sense of the financial and emotional diversity of life.
I miss the Broadway shows, the museums and the hole-in-the-wall restaurants. I don’t go to the big box stores so FEDEX is my best friend. Hang in there, NYC is worth it. If you can make it there you can make it any where
Oh, you already know how much I soooooo feel this post. I’ve had tons of “Why Do Even I Live Here?” days. The only thing that makes me stay is that I realize how much I truly “fit in” here. No other city — at least not in the US — suits me as well. That said, that knowledge doesn’t change the way I feel about New York. Does it make it harder to leave? Yes. Easier to make a living here? No.
Hey NYCity Mama,
We have much in common. I live in your neighborhood, am intimate with your school and am from Madison, Wisconsin-husband is Dominican! I see your lovely boy in school often and would really like to meet you. I am principal of a “horrible school” in your neighborhood. You gots to visit us!
I live and breathe this city, native New yorker, and I totally understand. All of my friends have left New York. I am a single mom living here and the energy, the grit, the sounds and smells of this city, like no place in this world; make it sooo hard to leave. It is our concrete jungle, but it is also home…