Celebrating Dad: Part III – His Own Words

For the pre-conclusion of this four-part series in Celebrating Dad, NYCity Mama again asked a few Dads to share “that feeling” upon becoming fathers and what fatherhood means to them.  As you will see, there is no denying the intense emotion, love, dedication, commitment, and overall awesomeness of  a good father. This should never be forgotten, unrecognized, taken for granted, and most of all denied. Here are their stories:

 

Papa Bear from Papa Bear Memoirs

Fatherhood to me is fun, stressful, great, tiring, awesome, hard, trilling,emotional, fabulous, hard, comical, tiring, super,emotional, but most of all rewarding. Everything you go through during the course of a day (fights, hugs, triumphs, failures)?makes it worth it when you hear them say as you tuck them into bed, “Dad, I love you.”

 

PJ Mullen from Real Men Drive Minivans 

Moments after my son was born I was standing next to the nurse who was doing all of the postpartum checks on him, just staring in awe at what I had just witnessed.  The moments of waiting and planning for his arrival were finally over and he was here.  So many things raced through my head that just being there with him, holding his tiny little hand in mine, became almost an out of body experience.  I wondered to myself if I was going to be a good father and realized that no matter what I did the rest of my life it would be insignificant if I didn’t have my wife and little man with me.

Fatherhood is a lesson in unconditional love, and I have loved my son long before he drew his first breath.  During his first year of life my every thought has been conditioned to think about what would be best for him.  I chose to become a stay-at-home dad because that is what made the most sense for our family.  The willingness to make the decisions that are best for those you love, and not just yourself, is part what fatherhood is all about.  The other part, in my opinion, is being an example to illustrate life’s important lessons.  In raising a son setting that example includes constantly working on my relationship with his mother.  I think it is important that he sees how much I love and respect her in hopes that he will carry that behavior with him into his own relationships.

 

Paul Easter from Dear Mr. Man

I remember when my wife, Adi, told me that she was pregnant with our oldest child and only daughter, Bae. Mentally, I was ready to become a dad, but it didn’t register for me emotionally for a while. Although we dated for several years, we were married for less than two months when she gave me the news. It was all rather surreal to me at that point. Adi and her mother were already into “baby mode”. They were deciding what color the baby’s room would be (even though it was to early to tell). They began to shop for clothes and furniture. Adi and I were also considering names for our little girl or boy. Several of our married friends were also pregnant which made for interesting conversation (“must be something in the water”). Even with all of this going on in our world, it still wasn’t a reality for me until…

Shortly after Adi broke the news to me and a couple of OB-GYN visits later (it may have been the second doctor’s visit), we were schedule to have an ultrasound performed. We arrive at the doctor’s office and are soon called in to see him. The doctor and his assistant run the usual battery of tests (“Go pee. Gotta take a little blood. Open wide.”). It still hadn’t hit me emotionally that we were going to have a baby. Then the procedure that changed my life began. The doctor rubbed an icy gel on and around my wife’s tummy. He then takes the wand of the ultrsasound machine and begins to move it all around her belly. Then he sees something…no…SOMEONE. He then places the base of his stethescope on my wife’s tummy and listens. He moves that around as his assistant holds the ultrasound wand in place. Once he hears whatever it is that he’s looking for, he gives me the stethescope and turns the ultrasound machine ever so slightly. Simultaneously, I look at a little embryo and hear the beating of her heart for the first time. Then it happened  It became real. A flood of pure, raw, and unconditional love washed over me as my eyes flooded with tears of joy. It was real. It sank in. I was going to be a daddy.

 

Otter from Life of A New Dad  

The awe of the situation hits you right from the first moment. Braden’s birth was so awe inspiring to me that I nearly passed out. I got a little dizzy and actually had to sit down for the big moment. I tried to tough it out until the nurses started paying me a little too much attention and actually commented on my green color. I have never passed out before or even come close. It was not because of the medical things happening but because of the sheer intensity of the moment and all my feelings converging on me at once. With all that was happening I forgot to breathe.

That is the feeling of being a dad for the first time. Sometimes it is so wonderful that you forget to breathe. The first time I ever held Braden was one of the greatest moments of my life. The picture is part of my title block at the top of the blog and I look at it every day. All I could do was stare at him. Eventually I started talking to him about anything and everything. I was too happy. The happiness turns into a bit of uneasiness or even fear when it is time to go home. The fear, however, is easily trumped by the wonderful days to come.

 

Jason from Ramblings and Run Ons 

It all starts with two words, “I’m pregnant”. Excitement, terror, and anxiety are all fighting for dominance and your body goes numb.  Nine long months later those emotions take a truly physical  form and love jumps in. Nobody sleeps for months but the pull keeps getting stronger. Before you know it years go by and you’ve got yourself a little person. That’s when it all sinks in. It’s a father’s job to help guide their children to become the best people they can possibly be.

Since I’ve become a stay at home dad this point has been made abundantly clear. I wipe noses and butts and keep everyone as presentable as possible. I keep everyone laughing and positive even through difficult times. I keep the batteries in the Gameboy fully charged. I work to teach my children patience, love, kindness and understanding. These are all the jobs of a father (and there are /many/ more) to help their children become the best that they can be(and yes, high scores are important, to somebody).  It’s exhausting, but it’s my job. I’m not just a father, I’m Dad.

Let’s face it, it’s all gonna turn out just fine. They do have half of my genes after all…

Jesus Ramirez from Things I Wish I Had Taught My Son

Father of the Brood - We had a rough time getting started.  Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  Our second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  Parenthood didn’t seem like it would be for us.  Our third pregnancy was very monitored.  I went to almost every Gynecologist appointment.  Heard the heartbeat, went to Lamaze, crossed the “t”s, dotted the “i”s.  Very involved.  When the final days came for the arrival, I went old school… I didn’t want to know the gender of the baby (neither did my wife).  And I didn’t find out the gender for any of my other 7 babies.  When I became a daddy, I realized how young and unprepared I was and how I would never quite feel prepared for such a drastic life rearrangement.  Mind racing, I was in a strange and happy yet dazed blur.  I was photographing everything both as an unattached spectator and as the director of this early 90s reality show.  What was that feeling?  I was excitedly numb.

Now, being a good papi is one of my highest priorities right after being a good husband.  Sometimes I feel like I’m being countercultural by having these priorities… Especially with so many kids.  I’m fine with being a cliché, though.  And yet, I feel like being a father in this day and age is like being a pioneer in an unchartered offline/online merry-go-round where the plastic horses jump off their pole and start galloping away with my kids while I try to round them all up before they get too far.  I’m not confused now, though.  I believe I’ve got to be a father to my kids, not their friend.  When they grow up, if they’ll have me, then I’ll be their friend.  I’m strict but fair.  I believe they’ll agree.  For now, I love being a papi with all its lumps… And with all its cherries on top.  I’m blessed.

 

Andrew’s Daddy from My Two Daddies

I can’t answer for everyone. Why do we have children? What’s the reason someone wants to become a mother or a father? For me, it’s a clear answer. I always new, even in my younger years, that I had an emotion that existed inside that I had not had the chance to exercise. It stayed inside me and would only surface when I hung out with my baby niece, or a close friend’s baby. This feeling of joy and love would emerge when I was around children. What a great feeling.

I remember in my early 20s when I took a job as a Teacher’s Aide/Interpreter for deaf children (grade 4-6) that were mainstreamed in classes with hearing students.  I worked there for two school years and one summer. I fell in love with all the kids. I knew one day I wanted to have children because of the way I felt when I was around them. I have worked and met many children. I have seen the way personalities and behaviors have grown with them. Most are clearly products of their parents. This made me more conscious of how powerful this job of being a dad/parent is. I thought to myself, how would I want my child to be as a person?. Then I asked myself, Is this the type of person I am? There were clearly some differences from the person I would want my child to be and to what I was. This realization helped me adjust some of the issues I didn’t like about myself.

This is a work in progress and actually should be a never ending project. I want my child to be loving, uninhibited, tolerant, confident and caring. I want him to make a difference in the world quietly and anonymously by being who he is and teaching other people by example. What a powerful job we have as parents. We are able to cultivate and assist our children to develop into productive and loving individuals. We are able to stop or break away from behaviors we don’t like about ourselves that were instilled in us as we were growing up. So what does being a dad/parent mean to me? It gives me the chance to give someone a wonderful life filled with love and security and in turn, that gives me faith in the generations to come.

 

Matthew from @MCiscart on Twitter

Well to be quite honest, the moment I became a father was kind of surreal to me though I was in the delivery room when he was born, it really didn’t hit me until I was asked to change my sons diaper at the hospital by one of the nurses. It was then that I realized that life was nor longer about my wants, but about what I needed. What I needed was to provided and be the best parent that I can be to my child.

My son is going on seven this summer and at times I wonder just how good of a job am I doing, and how will he look back at times past when he’s grown. I rest peacefully at night knowing when I look back at the past six plus years of photos with my wife and, son, we see a smiling and always happy face looking back at us. I’ve always believed to live for myself but now I live for my son, and the coolest thing is I’m happy about it. I now live through my son and ensure that whatever he may learn from me may only be beneficial for his progress.

 

Fred from Mocha Dad

Nee

One night at dinner, my wife told me she had been extremely hungry lately. I didn’t think anything about it until she said, “Maybe it’s because I’m eating for two.” I was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of joy. I was going to be a dad.

I was the doting husband throughout my wife’s entire pregnancy. I attended every checkup and birthing class. The pregnancy went fairly smoothly, but we had some complications during the delivery when the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby’s throat. My wife had to be rushed into the OR for an emergency C-Section. When the baby was delivered, the nurses rushed it over to an operating table to ensure that it was breathing correctly. During the commotion, the doctor failed to find out the baby’s gender. She insisted that my wife was having a boy. She even pulled out an ancient Chinese chart to prove it.

“What is the baby’s gender?” the doctor yelled across the room.

“It’s a girl,” replied a nurse.

“Are you sure,” the doctor demanded. “Because we’re supposed do have a boy.”

“Doc,” I said. “Can you please verify that we have the right baby?” This was no time for a mix-up.

The doctor and I walked across the room to look at the baby. Sure enough, it was a girl. I have to admit that I was not overwhelmed by fatherly prided as I thought I would be. My newborn daughter looked like a little alien. But it didn’t take long for that little alien to abduct my heart. And today, daddy’s little girl is still the apple of his eye.

N

Every father longs for a son. I was blessed with my first son in 2003. I remember sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for the results of the ultrasound. The suspense was driving me crazy. After several minutes of searching for an image that would determine the gender, the technician finally turned the screen around and said, “Congratulations, you’re having a boy.”

“Yes!” I yelled and gave my wife a big hug (she rebuffed my high five).

Because of the problems we had with the first delivery, we had to schedule a C-Section for my son. I sat next to the table holding my wife’s hand as the doctors worked. Within a few minutes, the doctor handed me my son. He had a huge afro of thick, curly hair. His hair was so pretty that I had to check to make sure that he was actually a boy. If I had cigars, I would have definitely passed them out to everyone in the waiting room.

X

When my wife informed me that she was pregnant with our third child, I was apprehensive. Aside from the increased financial responsibility, I would be responsible for guiding two African-American boys to manhood, and that scared me. But when I held my beautiful son for the first time, I could hear God whispering all is well. Immediately, my fear turned to joy. In the past year, my son has developed into a rascal who keeps me on my toes. However, he knows that he only has to say “Dada” in his cute, little baby voice and everything is right in my world.— Frederick J. Goodall is a devoted husband and father to three beautiful children. He currently writes the blog, Mocha Dad – A Celebration of African American Fatherhood  and has published work in the books “Paper Thin/Soul Deep” and “The African American Book of Values” and in magazines such as Essence, Upscale, and Emerge.

Thanks to all the wonderful Dads who allowed me to share their stories.  I celebrate you and all you do, not only on Father’s Day, but every day.  Happy Father’s Day.

Love,

Carol,  NYCity Mama 

Visit us again on Sunday, June 21, Father’s Day, for the conclusion of “Celebrating Dad”

 

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